"God, are you even really there?"

I saw a question on social media that stirred my heart. A young woman was saying that she knows God is always with her, but how come that doesn't seem to make a real difference in her life? Like she'll pray but still feel anxious and worry about things. She understands that God is supposed to always be with her, but still feels all alone. He's not there to actually give her a hug or speak audible words to her, so how do we really know that God is always there with us?

I think this is an authentic question that many Christians feel at various times in our lives. I believe the key to "feeling" that God is there, is truly knowing God and His Character. And that comes from spending time in His word, the Bible. There have been seasons of my life where I prayed more often or less often; where I listened to worship music a lot or a little; where I read the Bible more frequently or almost not at all. The times when I felt most alone were when I was too busy, or too tired, or too whatever to actually spend time in the Word of God. All other things are great (prayer, journaling, listening to worship music, having conversations about Him), but without knowing the Word, having it hidden in your heart, it's very hard to let the Truth speak louder than the doubts and fears that can overtake our thoughts. Romans 12:2 says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind," and that verse always comes to mind when thinking about how God can truly change our lives. He changes it by renewing our mind- our thoughts. And that is only transformed by replacing our thoughts with His thoughts. And that only happens by knowing His thoughts- which are "hidden" in His word. The "magic" key to all of it is reading the Bible. Regularly. So often that it comes to mind when things come up. So often that when a fear or doubt creeps in, you "hear" a Bible verse come to mind that counters that thought or fear.

And then there's the topic of "God winks". If you've experienced one (or more), you know exactly what I mean. It's when God orchestrates something so unique and so personal to you, that it speaks deep within your soul and reassures you, "I am here. I see you. I've got you." For all the examples I've heard of these in my life- it's always during a time when someone is so closely in tune with God that they're able to recognize the situation as a "God wink".

One example from my life is when I was living in Poland and felt so very alone. I laid face down on my living room floor, pouring my heart out in prayer to God. I'm sure the prayers were something akin to whining and complaining and telling God I just didn't feel Him near to me. I remember asking that very question, "God, how do I know you're even here? I wish you could just give me a real hug." And shortly after that, my new kitten (who had been jumping around my feet and on my legs while I was laying on the floor), found the opening at the cuff of my pajama pants and she squeezed her tiny body inside the leg of my pants and laid down against me. Then my older cat came and laid down directly next to the other leg. There was warmth from these little cat bodies on both sides of my body; like they were "hugging" me. And suddenly it occurred to me that God was able to "hug" me by orchestrating the cats to show me that I could feel warmth from actual touch on both sides, at the very moment I was questioning if God was even there.

Another favorite example is from a missionary who shared that when she was pregnant she was craving an American donut, which they didn't even have in the country where she lived. She'd just cried to her husband about how hard it was to be serving God in this lonely place, so far from everything and everyone who was familiar. And all she wanted was a DONUT and she knew it was impossible and that made her feel so discouraged and sad. Later that evening there was a knock on their door. An older lady who lived in the village was standing there with a plate in her hands. She said she'd heard there was an American couple who moved in and she thought they might like a taste from home, so she'd looked up how to make American donuts and brought them the plate she'd just made. Hot, fresh American donuts in the middle of a small village in a country where they don't even eat donuts!

If we're in tune with what He's doing, there are thousands of examples of how God sends hugs or little "winks" to show He's listening, He's there and He cares. I'd love to hear your own stories in the comments!